Asheville, NC

What do you do when the one thing you thought would help you simply doesn't anymore? That idea you had that would leave you completely fulfilled and remind you of the joy that surrounds you, turns out doesn't do that at all. First it seems natural to question yourself. Was this experience just not what I expected it to be or am I not what I expected I would be?

I sat Indian style behind a shop n' save grocery store. It was midnight. I had been averaging around 30 miles a day and hadn't showered in a while. My dirt crusted skin and beaten bones looked like they belonged in the dumpster that sat next to me. The walking was easy, but something was missing. I was no longer enjoying the journey. There was no way I could re-create my last experience of walking across America, I knew that. I am a different person from who I was then. I constantly felt pressure to keep moving forward instead of stopping to smell the roses. It was like I was accomplishing a goal instead of living free. I was measuring my progress by miles and not experiences. I had something to prove to myself last time. I didn't have to prove it again. I just wanted to breathe. Walking to get to a particular destination had become almost boring. I could keep walking and force myself to enjoy it, but what would be the point? To me, not following through on what I had set out to do is very embarrassing. I am embarrassed of what others will think of me. It is a serious fear of mine to be embarrassed. That is why I keep to myself mostly. It is scary to me to think that somebody might not like me or not believe me when I speak. How was it that I thought about this walk for months and just 12 days in I had changed my mind? I'm not quite sure but that is exactly what happened. Am I just confirming their suspicions that I was over ambitious in the first place. Was I justifying any doubt that surrounded me? I had come to the realization that there was no joy for me in this anymore. As much as the people and places changed it had all become too routine for me. I had been here before, I had done this. I was left completely uninspired by it. I didn't need to reach the west coast by foot to feel strong any longer. I had grown since that day. I needed something new. I grabbed my orange "walking across America" sign and crumbled it up, tossing it in the near by dumpster. I had grown to hate this sign.

There would no longer be a destination for this walk. I just needed to find the joy I knew was out here. It wasn't waiting for me on a beach on the west coast. It was all around me. I just needed to find it. There would no longer be progress measured in miles. I decided that I would continue to live nomadically for the foreseeable future. I will continue walking, but I would also accept rides. There will truly be no rules. I will find memorable experiences by any means necessary. I will go wherever my heart takes me. I am hoping for more trails, new friends, less pressure and more campfires. Attempt to stop second guessing myself and just live. Just breathe. It could all be simple. Looking at it from the outside, yes I am basically choosing to be homeless. I will find the good in people. There will be no signs for people to judge me by. It will just be me (although much dirtier) and that will be plenty.

Since this realization I spent 3 days walking southwest through the Maryland Countryside. I stayed at the Little Bennett campground where I appeared to be the only guest on the property. I was able to build a campfire, my first on this voyage. A friend named Shane who had walked across America that same year I had drove up from Georgia to meet me late into the night. The next day we drove down to a small town outside of Charlottesville. There we met some of his friends and went out to a "Ween" concert. I had never heard them before but really enjoyed the music and the atmosphere. A lot of tie dye shirts and totally acceptable for one to bring a hula hoop into the amplitheater.I had a great time taking in the show and meeting new people. These new friends Alex and Dylan referred to themselves as "hippie rednecks" and I thought that was a fairly accurate description. Heading home from the show we took an Uber back to Alex's house. After our Syrian refugee driver declined our invitation to go light off fireworks near the airport we were on our own to do so. We walked down the street to a field where we sent mortars high into the sky. They exploded into beautiful formations. We only lit a few off before we heard in the distance "WHAT IN THE HELL IS GOIN ON OUT THERE!" about midway through his objection we darted off into the trees. It turned out we had run the opposite direction of the house. We scouted from the tree line , thinking we had seen lights. We formed a single file line and marched through the deep into the pitch black woods. Tree branches hitting your face before you had the opportunity to see it. Eventually we made it back home. safe and sound.

Since then Shane drove me south to Asheville, NC where I am now. I had heard from several others that it was a cool small town so I thought I should check it out. I am staying with a friend of Shane's from Georgia. I am not entirely sure where I will walk to next, but I am planning on hitting the road once again tomorrow. I may not be geographically making my way slowly back home, but I'll be around. A friend of mine suggested that I am living like a drifter and that sounds pretty cool to me. I will continue to write on this blog updating everyone on my location and sharing stories from the road. I have a feeling there will be plenty.

Side Note

- Is it okay to say I was sitting Indian style? Should it be Native American style?

- I was finally able to shower today, washing off the black filth that had been growing on my arms.

- I looked in my wallet today only to find a business card for a tie dye specialist named uncle john.